Ok, so I took the plunge, first blog comes with a warning! My life is a little crazy, not through choice either, just plain old circumstances, I would love to say I know how to write, but I just don’t, I’m dyslexic so the grammar police can go take a running jump as this blog will be full of mistaces ha! See what I did there!
So why is my life crazy? I hear those three of you still reading asking, well I have OCD amoungst other things, which in itself at my age and having had it all my life, is just who I now am, so while it may seem odd to others it’s just daily life for me, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Im not claiming my life is any different to anyone else’s but when I go out walking with my friends and we chat, as you do, they always tell me how mad my life is, how “it could only happen to me” but I guess living it I just see it as normal.
My eldest son is a lot like me and although undiagnosed I’m pretty confident he’s on the spectrum (autism) the same as his younger brother who is diagnosed with Autism and Adhd as well as multiple other conditions that go hand in hand with that diagnosis.
So why a blog? Well I go to a writing group and as an exercise we do there, you write just to get it out of your head, like in the real world when we used to vent with out best friend over a cuppa, me I’m just doing it for something to do and to show the world a small and perhaps an insignificant insight into the world of Mental illness and why it’s not something to be scared of or not talked about.
Having just said that it’s hard! Not talking about it, not for me anyway as I’m too honest most of the time, but living with it on a daily basis and 3 of us in one house! It sometimes feels like we are clothes in a washing machine, firstly being squashed in a small space all together, then being spun round until you don’t know where you are and then being hung out to dry! And whilst flapping about on the line at the end of every day, trying to make sense of what the hell just happened.
The last 2 years have without doubt been the hardest of my life, my mom had cancer 12 years ago and beat it with an unbeleivable strength that I’ve never seen in anyone else I know, unfortunately she was my everything and when the cancer returned 3 years ago and she died two years ago, the day after my birthday ( my dad told me that thinking it might make my birthday easier!) supposedly, my world fell apart, I’ve had around 3 breakdowns in my life but the one caused by mom moms death was by far the worst. There is a huge back story here, my mom lost 6 babies before having me, she suffered a breakdown too but who can blame her! She and my dad were the perfect couple, he loyalty sat at her bedside until she took her very last breath and never got over her death.
I met someone, someone perfect for me and we decided to get married and having that to look forward to helped me focus on getting better.
My dad had a heart attack about 9 years ago, he had a stent fitted and went on his merry way but his sister, dad and mom had all died of heart related illness so long term was always Unknown.
I was due to get married in October last year, my dad died two days before, the letter for his new stent to be fitted came through a few days after he died.
Ok so it’s not that unusual to lose both your parents within two years of each other but it is pretty shitty going to two funerals, clearing out two houses and coping with the mental fallout it causes. And I guess that’s what this blog is about, just life, the daily struggles, my life, nothing out of the ordinary, but then again who’s is……….